I am a leader/manager | Building Respect

As a leader or manager, you may play an important role in the life of someone who is impacted.

Your understanding, connection and empathy are key in this confronting situation, and so is your own wellbeing and safety.

We have developed a range of resources to help you communicate and organise workplace support to someone who is impacted and importantly, resources for you to debrief.

Some insights for you

Hear the brave stories from people with lived experience of Domestic and Family Violence. These stories may provide you with some insights to guide your response to someone who is impacted by Domestic and Family Violence.

Assistance for managers and leaders

How do I support someone who is impacted by Domestic and Family Violence?

If someone opens up to you and tells you they are impacted by Domestic and Family Violence, it will be a very difficult conversation for them – they are likely to feel embarrassed and uncomfortable.

Check out this VIDEO for some great tips and advice: Follow My Lead Animation

Leader guide
We understand that supporting someone who is impacted by DFV can be stressful and complex. To provide assistance in this situation, we have developed a leader guide with insights and information to help you.

There is a FREE APP called Be There that gives you direct access to tools that empower, educate and support you to help someone who is experiencing Domestic and Family Violence.

We ask you to follow this advice when talking with the person:

Understand the gravity of the situation – the impacts of Domestic and Family Violence are significant and can have long term effects across a person’s life. These effects may lead to changes in their world. So please recognise these impacts in your conversations.
Find a discreet location for the conversation and assure them of confidentiality. Take them for a chat in an area where others can’t listen into the conversation.
Be gentle – this is a very tough situation for the person who is impacted.
Be attentive – give them your full attention. For more information from Mates in Construction
video: How to Help a Mate: Be a Good Listener
Believe them – often people don’t come forward to talk about Domestic and Family Violence for fear they will not be believed. Your faith in them is important.
If you suspect someone is impacted by Domestic and Family Violence, start the conversation in a gentle and general manner, that will give them the choice to share their situation with you if they want to. A good question to begin with is
“I’ve noticed you seem a bit different lately – are you OK?”
If someone opens up to you about being impacted by Domestic and Family Violence, their safety and wellbeing are paramount. Please ask “Are you safe?”
It is important that the person who is impacted by Domestic and Family Violence is empowered to seek the type and amount of support they need. So, ask them general questions that enable them to decide how they are supported “
How can I help?” Or “what do you need from me?”
Then respect the person to make their own decisions.
Let them know the process from here and ask their permission to invite someone from HR into the conversation.
Don’t try to be a counsellor or tell them what to do, please refer to them to specialist providers such as: 1800 RESPECT
Please refrain from judging them about their situation. This may make them feel even more uncomfortable, or responsible for what is happening.
Ask if they need support with their workload and then create an action plan if they need to adjust their duties for a period whilst they navigate their Domestic and Family Violence situation.
Organise regular check-ins to make sure you can support them on an ongoing basis and monitor any changes to their situation. Check you have their correct contact details to ensure you can reach them for these check-ins, and ask them the best and safest way to make contact.
A safe word or code word can help keep someone safe by maintaining a line of communication and knowing when to call 000 in an emergency.

What not to say?

A person who is impacted by Domestic and Family Violence may feel confronted, vulnerable, and fearful. It is important to follow these principles when having a conversation:

Avoid any questions that may blame the person, for example:
“Why do you stay with a person like that?”
“What could you have done to avoid the situation?”
“Why did you let them hit you?”
Be mindful to let them tell you as much as they are comfortable to share – do not ask in-depth questions.
Avoid labelling and judgement, as this may make the person feel worse.

For more information watch this short VIDEO: ABC “You can’t ask that” Domestic and Family Violence survivors answer ‘Why didn’t you just leave?’ (Language warning)

How to access specialist support

There are a range of supports for people who are impacted by Domestic and Family Violence.

Support that your employer offers can include paid leave, financial assistance or other support. To learn more about help available, please read your employers DFV policy.

Please discuss the situation with your HR team for any further support and guidance.

Safety planning assistance
Safety of our people is the most important matter, and it is important to discuss a Safety Plan with the person who is impacted. This plan may include:

A list of emergency numbers
A safe place to go
A safe place to store items such as valuables, cash, keys and important documents
Identifying friends and family support.
Have an emergency suitcase packed with essentials ready to go. Hide or store this with a trusted family member or friend.

For more information, please visit 1800Respect saftey planning and find information on how to create a Safety Plan or watch here for more information on safety planning VIDEO: Safety Planning from 1800Respect

Where can I get specialist support?
It is important that a person who is impacted by Domestic and Family Violence or is using violence receives support from specialist services who have the experience, skills and insights to address this complex situation. 1800 RESPECT www.1800respect.org.au or Find a specialist support service in your local area

There are also Australian FREE Apps available:

Daisy – A free app that connects people around Australia to services providing support for the impacts of sexual assault and family and domestic violence.
Sunny – Sunny is 1800RESPECT’s free app for women with disability who have experienced violence and abuse. Sunny has been co-designed with women with disability to make sure it provides the very best support for the people who use it.
Be there – A free app that gives you direct access to tools that empower, educate and support you to help someone who is experiencing domestic or family violence.

VIDEO: WorkHaven – seeking support

If you need to talk to someone

We understand that it can be confronting and difficult to support someone who is impacted by Domestic and Family Violence, and you may need support during this time.

To access free and confidential advice or for you to talk about the situation contact 1800 RESPECT Or call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732)

These specialist counsellors also provide support and guidance. Alternatively, if your organisation has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), please consider reaching out for help.

Roles and responsibilities of HR, managers or leaders

As a leader or manager or HR manager, your responsibilities in relation to Domestic and Family Violence are:

don’t take any actions that put yourself at risk
read through the content of this website to learn more about Domestic and Family Violence
encourage your team to read through the content of this website to learn more about Domestic and Family Violence
sensitively communicate with employees affected by Domestic and Family Violence and keep any information confidential. Visit Supporting someone who is impacted by Domestic and Family Violence
take immediate and appropriate action to address any reports of employees affected by Domestic and Family Violence
maintain the confidentiality of the person involved
ensure appropriate management of work performance and monitoring of attendance issues
provide feedback to your leadership team and HR to report issue with opportunities to improve our approach to Domestic and Family Violence
identify and report any workplace factors that pose a risk from a safety and well-being perspective.
escalate the matter to the police by calling 000 if there is risk of significant harm to the person impacted by DFV or others.

Be an everyday advocate

A part of our response to Domestic and Family Violence is ensuring our leaders model respectful behaviour and lead the way in the stand against Domestic and Family Violence. This includes:

Be aware and know the facts – take time to understand Domestic and Family Violence, the impacts, warning signs and how to have a conversation with someone who is impacted. This will enable you to take an informed and compassionate approach to someone who is impacted.
Shift the focus and avoid victim blaming – avoid speaking to someone who is impacted by DFV as if they are to blame for the situation. This includes avoiding questions like “why didn’t you leave?” It is important to park any judgement about their situation or choices as this may make them feel worse.
Words matter – consider the things you say, and avoid language that may threatening or condone aggressive behaviour. VIDEO: MATES SA – Its Tough to Talk
Speak up and discourage abusive behaviours – if you hear someone behaving inappropriately, either call it out and let them know you don’t like the way they are speaking or report the matter to your HR manager. For more information watch: VIDEO: Pull Ya head in
Avoid stereotypes – Domestic and Family Violence can happen to anyone – it does not discriminate. VIDEO: Role of the workplace in supporting employees who may be using violence.

Maintain healthy boundaries

Whilst we encourage employees to understand Domestic and Family Violence and lean in to support impacted colleagues, it is important to remember that your safety is paramount. Please maintain healthy boundaries as follows:

Avoid situations that may put you at risk
Lean in with empathy, rather than rescuing a person who is impacted. This may mean being there for a confidential and compassionate conversation, or guiding them to specialist support services such as 1800 RESPECT – www.1800 respect.org.au
Reach out for support if you are struggling. Call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) or go to the website 1800 RESPECT – www.1800 respect.org.au
Alternatively, if your organisation has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), please consider reaching out for help.
If you are in immediate danger, phone the police on Triple Zero (000).

Information and support

Building Respect at QMCA

If you think you may be impacted by Domestic and Family Violence, please contact your leader, manager or HR department for support.

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